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Bullying (parents)
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Which one are you? A young woman went to her mother and complained about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how
she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was
solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she
placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the
eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked,
"Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take
an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.
The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became
weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling
water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which one are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot,
an egg, or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and
lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death,
a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on
the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When
the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity?
a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it; Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and
alienation. Bullying... A bully is a person who
Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be
unable to survive without a current target. Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle
for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator
of bullying. How do bullies select their targets? The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
Jealousy and envy are strong motivators of bullying. Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:
Parents and families Would you know if your child was being bullied? Would you know what to do if they were?
Click here to find out.
2. The school does not want to make exceptions to existing policies or practices. OR we have never done that before. 3. The school is afraid of setting a precedent. 4. The school does not have the staff to meet the child’s needs. 5. The staff is not trained to meet the child’s needs. 6. The school does not have a program to meet the child’s needs. 7. The school is committed to their one-size-fits all service delivery models. 8. The school believes the services your child needs are too expensive. 9. The school is overwhelmed by the complexity of your child’s needs. 10. The school does not understand the legal requirement to provide your child with
a safe environment.
Case studies provide further reading to accompany the Department's anti-bullying pack, Don't Suffer in Silence
and links to some websites about bullying in schools
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BCC: Mr
Prichard, Mrs. Fielding, Mr. Salyers, Mr. Allen Hall, Mrs.J.Town, Mrs. Kouns, Mrs. HR Dowd, Letter to the editor, To
Whom It May Concern, I
am writing to express my concern, for my child, Zachary Craig, being harassed and bullied at East Carter Middle School
with little intervention and a lot of minimizing by the school administration. Not
only has he been physically hurt but it is also affecting him mentally. This
letter will be BCC'd to the above listed. I
have spoke with administration after each incident and gotten: 1.
I (the asst. principal) and the staff are in the hall, there are monitors, there is a policeman 2.
There is no report, administration/staff doesn't see it happen 3.
Administration has told another staff member, within ear shot, that my child is a "tattletale" 4.
He has been told not to interrupt, when he tries to tell a staff member, then afraid that he will be late,
goes on to his next class Many
victims don’t report it to their parents or teachers because they’re embarrassed or humiliated by the bullying.
They may assume that adults will accuse them of tattling or will tell them to deal with it themselves. http://www.fcppq.qc.ca/docs/en/reference/enfant_ecole_ado/2002_01_en.htm When
you fail to recognize and stop bullying behavior as it occurs, you actually promote violence. You are saying to the bully,
"You have the right to hurt people," and to the victim, "You are not worth protecting." http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/SVP-0056/ 5.
I have been told that maybe he needs a medicine adjustment---school officials can not discuss medicine, they are not doctors
and can not prescribe or decide not to prescribe medications.
6. I noticed that he had big feet, maybe we need to see if he has problems walking up/down stairs 7.
maybe the dizziness is from his new glasses----new frames NOT a new prescription. 8.
the other child denies it Naturally,
bullies don’t discuss their bullying with their parents or teachers. If their bullying behavior is reported and
their parents confront them, bullies usually deny their involvement. 9,
What is he doing to cause him to be picked on--surely he is doing something-- Children
with ADHD are often victimized, because other children see them as being weak. "These kids already have low self-esteem
and are vulnerable. Sometimes they completely avoid social situations because they are afraid of being picked on and bullied. Whether
their child is bullying or being bullied, parents/teachers and administration should respond, because bullying doesn't
just go away. http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=692&f=relatedlink The victim will go to great lengths to avoid resorting to violence, as they have been taught by parents, teachers
and society. As a society we instill in children the inappropriateness of using violence, often punishing them with violence
for being violent. In a bullying situation, responsible adults often become critical of children for not responding to
violence with violence by saying "why don't you just stand up for yourself?". Schools have a legal obligation called a "duty
of care" to protect children from danger; this duty of care cannot be abdicated and denied by blaming the target of bullying
for not standing up for themselves. a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it; Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralization, demotivation, disaffection, and
alienation. Bullying... A bully is a person who
Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be
unable to survive without a current target. Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle
for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator
of bullying. How do bullies select their targets? The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
Jealousy and envy are strong motivators of bullying. Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:
Reasons for being picked on include being fat, thin, tall, short, hair or skin color, being quiet, wearing glasses, having
big ears, small ears, sticky-out ears, crooked teeth, being from a different culture, having different likes or dislikes,
the "wrong" clothes, unwillingness to use strength to defend him or herself, or any perceived or fabricated "excuse". These
excuses have one thing in common: they are all irrelevant. http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm 4% of children in grades K-3 are targets of bullying. This increases
after grade 3. Sources of information: This
is supposed to be from "adults"? This
is from a school that states in the student handbook--"Our school will be free of intimidation,and fear; promote learning
in an environment of mutual respect between students, teachers, administrators & other employees and be a place where
there is fairness, firmness & consistency." This
is what is expected of the school School
administrators, teachers, and staff The
school administrators, teachers, and staff should take bullying problems seriously. The school should investigate the
situation and let me know what steps they’re taking to help stop the bullying. Written
school policies and rules against bullying, harassment, and intimidation should be in place — and be enforced. Take
a proactive approach to bullying, not a reactive one which will be too late. Teachers
and administrators should speak to the bully and his parents. They should also tell him what the consequences will be if he
doesn't stop bullying others. If the bullying continues, the school should enforce the pre-determined consequences immediately. Teachers
and administrators should increase adult supervision in the areas of the school campus where bullying incidents are most likely
to occur. School
personnel should be well informed about the children who are being victimized by bullies so they can monitor and provide support
to the victims as needed. They should also communicate often with the victims' parents to tell them how the situation is being
handled at school. The
Ky Center for School Safety has a program for professional development training, where staff are taught to identify
bullying, what to do when approached by a child & how to handle it 1-877-805-4277
(John) I
suggest that this program be implemented immediately so that the victims' are no longer called tattletales and so that
they don't have to deal with Bullies themselves. It's also important to respond in a positive and accepting manner. Let
your child know it's not his or her fault, and that he or she did the right thing by telling you. I expect full cooperation from the school to resolve the problem. The result of reducing bullying
in our schools is an improved school environment that is friendly and welcoming to all students. In schools where children
feel protected from bullying, they are free to spend their day learning, building friendships, and dream about all the possibilities
for their lives. Why
in light of all the violence in schools today that has escalated from being picked on and turned into tragedies, has
this been allowed to continue. It
even happened RIGHT HERE in Carter County, Jan 18, 1993 http://www.keepmedia.com/pubs/USNewsWorldReport/1993/11/08/234714?extID=10037&oliID=229 Bullying
can leave scars throughout adulthood, impairing performance and preventing people achieving their potential. The psychiatric
injury from bullying in childhood may also cause long-term damage to both physical health and mental health. The
long-term effects were recorded in a survey undertaken by Kidscape and reported at a conference in 1998. The survey has been
reproduced in Kidscape's 1000 book Bully Free (http://www.kidscape.org.uk/publications/publicationsindex.shtml). print
& take with me:
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