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 Lying is impulsive and fear is not involved

Home Survival Basics
Swears, Lies and Videogames
Two linked articles
Home Behavioral Management Concepts
ADHD The Tip of the Iceberg
Problems & Summary

By Cheryl Gochnauer
Copyright 2004

I had just finished paying for my Chinese lunch - a
personal favorite - and was heading for my table when I
realized I hadn't been charged for my drink. I
immediately went back to the counter and paid the
proper amount.

The cashier was surprised I would even mention it. I'm
surprised anyone would assume my integrity could be
bought for $1.29.

I suppose it happens everyday. Whether by accident (a
checker overlooking an item) or by design (stashing an
unpaid item in a purse), harm has been done.
Rationalizing that the store charges too much anyway
and everything works out in the end is silly. Any child
will tell you: It's stealing.

At least they will until we teach them differently.

This is a tough subject, isn't it? It's tough for me,
too. The drink thing was pretty clear-cut, as far as
I'm concerned. But what about the 15 other ethical
decisions I made today?

In a world where boundaries are constantly changing,
defining "integrity" can be challenging. But most of us
know it when we see it.

Here are three ways to help cultivate integrity in our

MODEL HONESTY. We can't expect our children to be
truthful with us if we are not honest with others.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Children have a natural tendency
to cover up mistakes - as do many adults. By `fessing
up regarding our own errors, we teach little ones the
first step in turning around a bad situation.

EXPECT KIDS TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT. If we consistently
pursue integrity, our children will follow. Establish a
pattern of behavior that assumes everyone will do the
right thing, and soon the walk will mirror the talk.

Cheryl Gochnauer does not assume responsibility for
advice given.  All advice should be weighed against
your own abilities and circumstances and applied
accordingly.  It is up to the reader to determine if
advice is safe and suitable for their own situation.

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On Lying

The Truth About Your Child's Lies
Lying is about denial, omitting the truth or creating your own truth in order to avoid feelings of shame and to avoid negative consequences, such as punishment... The truth can be lost in the face of fear and the drama of his parents' reaction.

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